Political Origins Discovered - Plasmodia

This is the weekend rebel science post which we do from time to time. Scientists seem to have discovered the origin of some politicians, however, what is still uncertain at this time is whether only United Kingdom politicians originated in plasmodia, or whether some United States politicians did too:

“Most people’s idea of a computer is a piece of hardware with software designed to carry out specific tasks [e.g. a robot]. This mould, or plasmodium, is a naturally occurring substance with its own embedded intelligence. It propagates and searches for sources of nutrients [campaign funds] and when it finds such sources it branches out in a series of veins of protoplasm. The plasmodium is capable of solving complex computational tasks [as long as they are self serving], such as the shortest path between points [e.g. C Street & Capitol Hill] and other logical calculations [how much campaign dough do I get]. Through previous experiments we have already demonstrated the ability of this mould to transport objects. By feeding it oat flakes, it grows tubes which oscillate and make it move in a certain direction carrying objects with it [takes perks home during recess]. We can also use light or chemical stimuli to make it grow in a certain direction [influence peddling]. “This new plasmodium robot, called plasmobot, will sense objects, span them in the shortest and best way possible, and transport tiny objects along pre-programmed directions. The robots will have parallel inputs and outputs, a network of sensors and the number crunching power of super computers. The plasmobot will be controlled by spatial gradients of light, electro-magnetic fields and the characteristics of the substrate on which it is placed [e.g. talking point scripts from headquarters]. It will be a fully controllable and programmable amorphous intelligent robot with an embedded massively parallel computer.”

(Science Daily, comments added). Clearly this describes politicians who work to enrich themselves through lobbyists rather than remain faithful to their people.